Guest posting on the dance of the seven veils

by byanika on 21/06/2011 · 22 comments

in By Anika,self worth

Hi sweethearts!

Yesterday I did an inpromptu guest post for my darling friend Ambu, following up on our recent posts on what it means to dress in a sexual way. I would love to share my post with you here as well, because I feel that this topic is such an important one, -one that we need to adress and discuss.

In her introduction of my post Ambu wrote: “The reason why I requested Anika to write a responsive blog is because I consider her to be a non-conformist. She is brave, bold and does not let society dictate her choices. She does not follow prescribed norms and standards. One of Anika’s most unique traits is that despite being all of the above, she does not come out as a “woman with an agenda.” She retains her carefree, sensitive, generous and beautiful spirit”.

Thank you for daring to touch on such important subjects Ambu, and thank you so much for inviting me to join your discussion on dressing sexually:

Last week I wrote a post chez moi at By Anika on how I feel that sexy is a state of mind. Gone are the days when I tried dressing overtly sexual, today I wear my own flowy designs that showcase me. The day after writing my post I surfed over to Ambu to find her pondering same topic in her post Bag or Bandage Fashion. Talk about being on the same wavelength.

Ambu asked me to elaborate on my reply to her post. The topic of sexuality and fashion is one that I find very interesting, so I was more than happy to share some of my personal experiences in terms of dressing sexually.

I feel that there are all kinds of rules about what to do and not, and what I strongly advocate is that we all screw the rules and not let us become restricted by a regime that we feel we need to comply with. How we express this defiance will vary of course, for some breaking out a tight dress is it, for others wearing the “wrong” shape feels freeing.

In terms of dressing sexually for me, it is all about feeling confident in who I am and not apologizing for it. I walk down the street, swaying my curves (this I have little control over anyway, watch me walk and I will give you a symphony of curves in motion), looking at people with an open mind. I am present.

As for the outer aspect of my fashion and sexuality I’ll say this. I have a body that a lot of men seem to find very sexual. I have been groped etc. by men passing me by in the street since I was 12 years old. Only yesterday several men came up to me and made suggestive looks and comments, and one guy followed me. This is a daily occurrence for me, and for years I have been pondering why I experience this. One thing is my open nature I think, but even when I am more closed off it happens. I guess it is the va va voom of the walking symphony and the hour-glassy shape of my body.

When I tried dressing more sexual I felt vulnerable, because showing my body to the fullest meant that the unwanted attention increased. I felt exposed and hurt, because I was attracting attention solely based on my curves. So, you might ask, do I now wear wider clothes because I am hiding? Why not show some cleavage?

I’ll tell you why I wear clothes that are flowy, that showcase all of me, not just my lovely rack. I am not hiding; I am not trying to cover up my sexuality. I dress the way that I do because I want to feel free! Free to express myself any way I want to, free to sway my ass when walking – not holding in my tummy, not worrying, just being and having fun in the moment. Feeling free and unconstricted is sexy to me.

Why is the dance of the seven veils so sexy? Because we want to see what is underneath, because that foreplay is a thrill. I dress in a sexual way because I dress in a way that honors me as a whole person.

I may be selective, but when I invite you into my life you get a whole lot of woman, sexual and soulful. To me they are two sides of the same story. They are me.

Tell me sweethearts, how do you feel about dressing sexually?

 

 I would love to connect with you!

 anikack@gmail.com   @AnikaByAnika   Facebook

For the full impact of your wonderful comments go to #byanikareaders where I quote and share your best ones!

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

1 WendyBNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 2:33 am

Ah, I remember my teens/early ’20s when all skirts had to be minis or else! I’m glad I’ve moved past that.
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2 JamillahNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 5:13 am

I was so happy to see you on Ambu’s blog dearest. Again, perfect post. LOVE YOU.

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3 ofeliaNo Gravatar June 21, 2011 at 5:39 am

Anika, you are so kind to do this post for the lovely Ambu, whom I got to know because you introduce her to us.

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4 FASHION TALESNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 9:13 am

A couple of my favourites Ambu & You, together sharing incredible topics that touch us all. It was an excellent read lovely.

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5 Laura ConnellNo Gravatar June 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Anika, I am so glad you wrote this post. I, too, find dressing more modestly a source of freedom. We are simply acknowledging reality: the reality that men will give you unwanted attention if you dress in a certain way. No, it’s not fair, but it is life. So, if I want the focus on the person inside, I am obliged to dress in a way that doesn’t showcase my body parts. And, yes, a flowy dress that doesn’t cling gives more freedom of movement and prevents the need to avoid a big meal :)
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6 MJNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Girl your posts are always so on point! I used to have a lot of guy friends in college and I used to ask them out of curiousity what was the sexiest thing a girl could wear and many of them felt that seeing a woman in their T-shirt was sexier than any mini skirt or super tight dress. That just goes to show you that sexiness isn’t defined in the clothes you wear but how you rock those clothes whatever they may be!

Lovely post!!
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7 kristyNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 6:48 pm

this post touches on so many points that i consider to be essential when getting dressed and having a strong sense of personal style!! thank you love, for another thought-provoking and beautiful post. =)

when girls dress overtly sexual, it often leaves me questioning who they are dressing for. from my experiencing, showing too much skin is usually not something we do for ourselves specifically because of the unwanted attention that it attracts. or perhaps because some girls want that kind of attention. but to me it usually signifies insecurity. a secure and confident woman doesn’t have to put everything right on display. she dresses for herself in a way that makes her feel beautiful and happy. she is usually more concerned with the overall look rather than prominently displaying her body.

i can understand completely where you are coming from and i think it’s wonderful you decided to write about this for you and ambu. hugs to you darling!

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8 Mode PlusNo Gravatar
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June 21, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Sexy for me does not mean revealing flesh or walking provocative. I find my mind and spirit sexy which resides in my body. Am I making any sense? In my teen years I did experience with dressing more sexually but quickly realized it wasn’t me. I agree with you, that we are not hiding, we are showing our spirit through our clothes. Thank you for sharing once again, love.
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9 BellaNo Gravatar
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June 22, 2011 at 1:24 am

Anika, I saw this post on Ambu’s blog and left you a comment there. You blew me away with this follow up! You are fearless, woman! I want to be just like you! :)

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10 Fajr | Stylish ThoughtNo Gravatar
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June 22, 2011 at 3:37 am

I revel in the fact that I have the choice to show my body or keep it under wraps. Sexuality is less a state of dress and mostly a state of mind and the woman in the low-cut top & mini with low self-esteem is far less sexy that the woman in the burqa with confidence radiating from her core.

Show me a woman who is confident and I’ll show you the sexiest woman in the world. You my friend are hella sexy!

Great post Anika!
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11 THE-LOUDMOUTHNo Gravatar
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June 22, 2011 at 8:59 am

“I’ll tell you why I wear clothes that are flowy, that showcase all of me, not just my lovely rack. I am not hiding; I am not trying to cover up my sexuality. I dress the way that I do because I want to feel free! Free to express myself any way I want to, free to sway my ass when walking – not holding in my tummy, not worrying, just being and having fun in the moment. Feeling free and unconstricted is sexy to me.”

Yes, yes, YES!!!!!!!!! And I’m saying those “yesses” sexually.

Also, when you have tits like us, it’s hard to hide!
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12 marieNo Gravatar June 22, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Sexy does not only limit to how one dress up. I always believe that it comes in what we call an aura. Sure revealing clothes makes one sexy but then again it could make you look trashy (pardon my word). I find a lot of women who are dressed casually, even donning only in pants and sweats, and still looks sexy. I agree with you girl. It doesn’t matter what your body type is, it’s how you strut your stuff that makes them turn their heads. Wink!
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13 nicoletteNo Gravatar June 23, 2011 at 10:06 am

loving this message.
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14 van025No Gravatar June 24, 2011 at 5:40 am

Great mesage.Love your picture.You’re very cute
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15 trudyNo Gravatar June 24, 2011 at 10:54 am

Dressing sexy is a thing I do mainly for me, when I fee like it! I don’t let other women tell me what I am feeling.
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