On being non conformist from within

by byanika on 27/06/2011 · 58 comments

in By Anika,dresses,self worth,Uncategorized

Hi Sweethearts!

My friend Ambu recently described me as non conformist. I felt very happy to read that she perceives me in this way, I felt seen.  Ambu described how she feels that I don`t let society dictate my choices and that I do not follow prescribed norms and standards.

Being the thinker that I am, I have been reflecting on this, always open to observing and learning about my self.

Am I non conformist? Yes, I am.

Am I non conformist in the sense that I oppose autority on principal? No, I am not.

I am non conformist from within.

I grew up being told who I am, what to think, what to feel. I was continously demanded to adapt, to not be my self, to be invisble so as to not cause any discomfort to my surroundings. I grew up feeling completely invaded and ridiculed, living in a secret world that only existed in my dreams.

I would have dissapeared all toghether had I not had had a warrior inside of me, a sensitive and brave warrior. I know the pain of not being recognized for who I am, of not being validated, of being forced to subscribe to standards that are not my own.

I saved my self by deciding to face life head on, to believe in my self in spite of everything I was tought about my self. I finally got pissed off, and I got busy claiming my own and all of our right to define our selves, both in my professional and personal life.

Damn right I am non conformist.

I was tought that I am so unworthy that I should not even take up space in the sofa and was made to stand day in and out. Today I dare to sit down, I know I am equal to every one else. I will offer my seat to guests, but because I am kind, not because I am unworthy.

I was tought that I am so unattractive that my mere precense made other people nauseated. Today I dare to recognize that I not only have internal beauty.

I am intellectual. I always follow my intuition.

I am highly educated with an amazing job. I am working towards a career change, chosing a worklife that is high on creativity and low on certainty.

I am well conversed in the art of keeping up appearances and modesty. I speak from my heart, honestly, directly, with lots of warmth. I am humble and voulnerable, but I do not belittle or apologize for my self and my talents.

I lived in a very dark  and anxeity ridden place for years. I laugh in that oh-so-mannish-roaring-with-knee-slapping-to-go-way many, many times a day.

My experiences growing up showed me the ugly side of the human spirit. I still believe in the good in every person.

I am curvy. I don`t identify as a fatshionista, but as a fashionista. I don`t mind being called fatshionista, but it is not a label I feel limited by.

I follow trends. But only if I like them.

I am aware of the do`s and don`ts of dressing as a plus sized woman. I screw these rules on a regular basis.

I am a fashion blogger.  I don`t have clothes from major brands. I don`t have lots of accessories. I only wear my own (reworked) designs. I blog about the deeper meaning behind my fashion.

I am non conformist in the deepest sense of the word. I am living my life by my own standards.

Non conformism. Dignity. Self respect. Humility. Love.

You feel me?

The outfit: I reworked my Spring is in my heart-leopard dress that I sewed from a H&M scarf, adding material from a H&M dress. As always my bling is H&M and TopShop and my sandals are Skopunkten. Tan, thanks to my for-the-love-of-Christ-please-bring-summer-to-Oslo-dance.

Tell me my sweethearts, are you non conformist in your own lives?

 

 I would love to connect with you!

 anikack@gmail.com   @AnikaByAnika   Facebook

For the full impact of your wonderful comments go to #byanikareaders where I quote and share your best ones!

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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

1 AmbujiNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 2:02 am

A non-conformist refuses to be bound by rules or circumstances; a non-conformist stands up and takes a stance in what she believes in; a non-conformist is open and honest; a non-conformist is supportive and giving; a non-conformist is RARE- YOU dear Anika are a non-conformist, with all of the above traits and more!!!
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2 triballaneNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm

..one thing you definitely teach weeelll! :)

http://triballane.blogspot.com/
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3 OfeliaNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 2:37 am

Quite powerful and self aware post and as always I feel immensely inspire by your strength and
self determination of loving all of you!
I think that I’m a non conformist because of the choices I had made and the life that I had created for
myself and my family. I could be in a different situation if I had choosen some of the behaviors
that were expected of me and even though it’s been difficult at times; they are my choices
and at the end of the day I’m happy with my actual circumstances.

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4 YvonnaLiviannaNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 5:47 am

Hell yes Anika!! I am all down for this post! I am still on the deeper meaning behind my fashion line. WE are blog sisters. It seems like the journey I am taking is something that you have succeeded at and I am glad to here reading your stories. You are one fabulous woman!

XX!
YvonnaLivianna
Yvonnalivianna.blogspot.com
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5 TerriNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 6:56 am

I am a mental non-conformist…and perhaps should work on making it more apparent.
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6 THE-LOUDMOUTHNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 7:34 am

I’ve always loved your blog, my dear, but lately your posts are bursting with inspiration! I really think that the recent turn of events in your life worked for the better and gave you beautiful words to share with us. :) I can’t wait for the day when we can hug and chat in person!

“I am aware of the do`s and don`ts of dressing as a plus sized woman. I screw these rules on a regular basis. ”

Get it, girl!

PS: You need to write a book.
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7 MyFavouriteThingsNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 8:44 am

Hei Anika – må si meg enig med The Loudmouth, synes også at du formelig spruter av inspirasjon for tiden! Jeg kjenner meg på mange måter igjen det du skriver her, fordi jeg var noe helt utrolig sjenert som liten tross kjærlige, forståelsesfulle og støttende foreldre og omgivelser. Begrensningene lå med andre ord i meg selv, og jeg opplevde en enorm personlig styrke og frihet da jeg i midten av tenårene var så heldig å få to gode, litt eldre venninner som fikk meg ut av “skallet”. Jeg kan fremdeles kjenne på den sjenansen fra barneårene fra tid til annen, men nå vet jeg i det minste hvordan jeg skal overvinne den! Håper du får en fin uke! Klem!
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8 fayeNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 10:42 am

Beautiful post Anika. So eloquently and beautifully put. I adore your non conformist self. You go girl!
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9 FASHION TALESNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Every post dear, every post. I agree with Steph…
I love reading your posts and Amen, this is indeed another great one. -xxoo
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10 MJNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Girl I feel you!! I know how it feels living life by other people’s standards but when you start living for yourself, the world better watch out! LOL

Love your posts as always!!
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11 LAUREN NICOLENo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 4:29 pm

I’m working on being a more “non conformist type.” You are so great and so inspirational Anika. xoxo!
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12 Laura ConnellNo Gravatar June 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Wow, another amazing healing post. I’m in awe that you were able to overcome your obstacles to achieve such self-fulfillment. You are beautiful on the outside too, so photogenic. The best compliment I’ve received is that I am beautiful “inside and out”. I have what people perceive as outer beauty and I thought that’s all I had; now I know the inner beauty is most important and that’s what I want to see in others and for others to see in me.

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13 GRIT & GLAMOURNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Oh, yes, I know that feeling of being told to be less than you are. I used to hear “tone it down.” Tone it down? I TURNED IT UP!

How can anyone be happy denying who they really are because someone else expects it? Damn right I am non-conformist, right along with you.

I’m Greek and married a non-Greek. Non-conformist.
I was married nine years and produced no children, not because I can’t, but because I didn’t want them. Non-conformist.
I told my ex-husband that I no longer wanted him in my life. Ooh, scandalous Greek girl. Non-conformist.
I remarried another non-Greek, in another country, by the sea with a lovely officiant and not a Greek priest. Ooh, even more scandalous Greek girl. Non-conformist.
I’m no longer a member of ANY Greek church. Non-conformist.
I still refuse to have children. Non-conformist.

I could go on and on. I am non-conformist not because I am rebellious, but because I do what feels right for ME. And if Greeks, family, people don’t like it, well, that’s their problem and not mine.

I’m glad you know why you are non-conformist, and that you are. :)

xoxo
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14 JamillahNo Gravatar
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June 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm

OH ANIKA! “I saved my self by deciding to face life head on, to believe in my self in spite of everything I was taught about my self.” Soooo many people can not do this and I also agree you should write a friggin book!!! You are by far the most inspirational posts I read on this great worldwide web, b/c they are so honest and call to love yourself which is something we miss over and over again. I know I say this all the time to you, but really I am so thankful to know you and so happy you exist to spread this kind of message. I love you, friend.
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15 vanessaNo Gravatar
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June 28, 2011 at 3:02 am

Oh heck yeah I feel you! I like ho you put it “non conformist within”.
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16 JenmarieNo Gravatar
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June 28, 2011 at 4:34 am

And yet again, you produced another amazing post! I’m all about being myself, who God made me to be!

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17 Ma @ Plus SizeNo Gravatar June 28, 2011 at 10:02 am

Oh, my..! I like your dress, it’s really voguish.! I wanna have it too.!
You really got a very nice taste for fashion. Very artistic.

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18 anitaNo Gravatar June 28, 2011 at 12:52 pm

yeah! Eff the system! haha jk! I feel you tho! i am and always have been a non comformist. Its people like you who make this world seem like we still have a future to look forward to! :)

youre looking gorgeous in this dress darlin! I love the sheer-ness of it! :)

xoxo
A_riot
http://www.thickthreads.net
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19 SACRAMENTONo Gravatar June 28, 2011 at 9:57 pm

You travel a long way to be where you are now, my dear Ankia. Some of us had rough paths to walk.
I am so with you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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20 bangyourheadNo Gravatar June 28, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Det er virkelig fantastisk å se en med en så hard oppvekst som bare sier fuck it all og står for den den virkelig er. Virkelig inspirerende!
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21 bangyourheadNo Gravatar June 28, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Har du egen butikk forresten, eller er du på vei? Er du utdannet designer?
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22 Casee MarieNo Gravatar June 29, 2011 at 6:44 am

What a beautiful post, Anika – again. I love myself in private, I quietly celebrate me, but as soon as I’m with others I become so self-conscious, so aware of my shortcomings. You keep inspiring me to embrace myself to the fullest!
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23 athenagreekNo Gravatar June 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Hello there! it only show that you are a unique person. You have a fashion statement of your own. You just don’t follow what the world wants you to be. Go on….just keep believing, you are on the right track!
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24 Susan TinerNo Gravatar June 29, 2011 at 6:17 pm

I appreciate your self-affirming posts!

Have you ever thought of having someone paint you? You are a very beautiful woman and when I see your photos — your expressions and the way you carry yourself — I think of art.
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25 Best Of Palm BeachNo Gravatar
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June 30, 2011 at 12:19 am

My God your post had my mind going! I relate to a lot of what you said and what V said in her comment! I am currently experiencing discomfort in my life because I refuse to just conform and settle. Thank you for this post as it reminds me of what I value and what my aim in life is….love you dearly!

Veronica
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26 BellaNo Gravatar
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June 30, 2011 at 2:38 am

I feel you, sister! Hurray for this post! I raise my glass and make a toast for non-conformity in women the world over! Enough to being pidgeonholed into what society deems is acceptable for plus sized women. Enough of being told we can’t wear this and can only wear that. I’m happy you’re a rule breaker! We should all be so brave!

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27 trudyNo Gravatar June 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I have to agree with you on all points here…non conformity is the way to go. Especially in the area of our government control! I love your blue eyes btw!
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28 Corrine/Frock & RollNo Gravatar June 30, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Ooh yes, I 1100000000000000000000000000% feel you! (And after reading this post, I think I kind of love you, too!)

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29 Alexis of North On HarperNo Gravatar July 1, 2011 at 8:47 pm

I feel you Anika!!! But— I always do! Thank you for this battle cry— it is okay to not conform!!!
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byanika 30 byanikaNo Gravatar
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July 12, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Sending you so many hugs my lovely! xoxoxoox

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31 ClaireNo Gravatar July 1, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I cheer with you.

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32 supercursiNo Gravatar July 2, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Hi Anika! I read the post Sacramento a.k.a. Mis papelicos wrote about your blog. I liked this entry very much, you inspired me today!
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byanika 33 byanikaNo Gravatar
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July 12, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I am very happy to hear that sweetheart! Big hugs coming your way xo

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34 CarrieNo Gravatar July 3, 2011 at 9:16 pm

You’re singing my song here lady! I grew up following so many rules because it was the “right” thing to do and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. When I finally hit my late teen years and began to realize how angry I was it took years to recover. I’m a free bird all the way–in the ways that work for me. This post really spoke to me. You go girl!!

xo,
Carrie
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byanika 35 byanikaNo Gravatar
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July 4, 2011 at 11:30 am

Amen, you know I feel you. I finally got angry at 26 and promptly broke all of my wine glasses. So happy you are your best friend. Lots of love, Anika

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byanika 36 byanikaNo Gravatar
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July 12, 2011 at 7:16 pm

And you my lovely! There is no limit to how far we can go when we don`t limit our selves. Hugs!

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37 umbrellamomNo Gravatar July 5, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Anika, you are absolutely amazing! I love the concept of being a self-worth activist. I never really fit in any where. Its great to see someone out there advocating for creativity and uniqueness!.
scarvesforwoman.com

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38 poetNo Gravatar July 5, 2011 at 9:37 pm

So well said! You go girl! That dress is also amazing.
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39 FashnlvrNo Gravatar
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July 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Beautiful Anika and your sweet face > it tore me to shreds to read you grew up being treated so poorly. I can’t even begin to imagine the heartache it must have caused you. I admire you even more for your courage bravery and fortitude to rise above it and claim your right to be YOU. It heartens me to see your laughing sparkly blue-eyes shining in these photos.
Three cheers for non-conforming fabulous YOU!
Bear Hugs!

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byanika 40 byanikaNo Gravatar
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July 12, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Thank you my sweet friend. You see me. I love you so much!

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41 Sally ThompsonNo Gravatar September 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm

what a great post! I feel you sister! I really happy to hear this. You have a great taste of style. I love it! :)
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42 viec lam ha noi, viec lam o ha noi, viec lam hn, viec lam tai ha noi, vi?c làm hà n?i, vi?c làm ? hà n?iNo Gravatar
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December 13, 2012 at 5:31 am

Its like you learn my thoughts! You seem to know so much approximately this, such as you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you simply could do with a few % to drive the message home a little bit, however other than that, that is great blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.

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43 SkerieapavaNo Gravatar March 27, 2013 at 1:12 pm

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