On being non conformist from within

by byanika on 27/06/2011 · 58 comments

in By Anika,dresses,self worth,Uncategorized

Hi Sweethearts!

My friend Ambu recently described me as non conformist. I felt very happy to read that she perceives me in this way, I felt seen.  Ambu described how she feels that I don`t let society dictate my choices and that I do not follow prescribed norms and standards.

Being the thinker that I am, I have been reflecting on this, always open to observing and learning about my self.

Am I non conformist? Yes, I am.

Am I non conformist in the sense that I oppose autority on principal? No, I am not.

I am non conformist from within.

I grew up being told who I am, what to think, what to feel. I was continously demanded to adapt, to not be my self, to be invisble so as to not cause any discomfort to my surroundings. I grew up feeling completely invaded and ridiculed, living in a secret world that only existed in my dreams.

I would have dissapeared all toghether had I not had had a warrior inside of me, a sensitive and brave warrior. I know the pain of not being recognized for who I am, of not being validated, of being forced to subscribe to standards that are not my own.

I saved my self by deciding to face life head on, to believe in my self in spite of everything I was tought about my self. I finally got pissed off, and I got busy claiming my own and all of our right to define our selves, both in my professional and personal life.

Damn right I am non conformist.

I was tought that I am so unworthy that I should not even take up space in the sofa and was made to stand day in and out. Today I dare to sit down, I know I am equal to every one else. I will offer my seat to guests, but because I am kind, not because I am unworthy.

I was tought that I am so unattractive that my mere precense made other people nauseated. Today I dare to recognize that I not only have internal beauty.

I am intellectual. I always follow my intuition.

I am highly educated with an amazing job. I am working towards a career change, chosing a worklife that is high on creativity and low on certainty.

I am well conversed in the art of keeping up appearances and modesty. I speak from my heart, honestly, directly, with lots of warmth. I am humble and voulnerable, but I do not belittle or apologize for my self and my talents.

I lived in a very dark  and anxeity ridden place for years. I laugh in that oh-so-mannish-roaring-with-knee-slapping-to-go-way many, many times a day.

My experiences growing up showed me the ugly side of the human spirit. I still believe in the good in every person.

I am curvy. I don`t identify as a fatshionista, but as a fashionista. I don`t mind being called fatshionista, but it is not a label I feel limited by.

I follow trends. But only if I like them.

I am aware of the do`s and don`ts of dressing as a plus sized woman. I screw these rules on a regular basis.

I am a fashion blogger.  I don`t have clothes from major brands. I don`t have lots of accessories. I only wear my own (reworked) designs. I blog about the deeper meaning behind my fashion.

I am non conformist in the deepest sense of the word. I am living my life by my own standards.

Non conformism. Dignity. Self respect. Humility. Love.

You feel me?

The outfit: I reworked my Spring is in my heart-leopard dress that I sewed from a H&M scarf, adding material from a H&M dress. As always my bling is H&M and TopShop and my sandals are Skopunkten. Tan, thanks to my for-the-love-of-Christ-please-bring-summer-to-Oslo-dance.

Tell me my sweethearts, are you non conformist in your own lives?


 I would love to connect with you!

 anikack@gmail.com   @AnikaByAnika   Facebook

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