Hi Sweethearts!
You know what I have stopped doing? I have stopped trying to impress others.
I used to worry about how others perceive me. I used to give them cues on how to perceive me. I still do, in the sense that we all send signals to our surroundings about who we are, but the dynamic that I choose when interacting with others is different now.
I grew up with a very high self esteem in some aspects of who I am and a very low self esteem in others. To say that I nurtured an unbalanced view of my self is an understatement. It was confusing, and left me feeling dissapointed in my self and insecure in many ways because I was measuring my self using expectations that were either to high or too low.
How I was perceived by others became the mirror I used to determine who I was and how good of a person I am.
In short, if others were not impressed and wowed by me I felt I was a failure.
The thing about trying to impress others is, it is an exercise in self absorbedness. Think about it. If I am trying to impress you when talking to you my focus is on me, not on you. Limiting? Oh yes.
I am not saying that I was completely self absorbed before, but I was more so than I care for. It is not a pretty reflection, but it is true.
Today I am enjoying the fruits of my hard work on my sense of worth. If I am rejected it just means that we are not a good match. If you don`t find me funny then I don`t know what is wrong with you that doesn`t mean that I am not.
If you like me, great. If you don`t, fair enough.
The thing about not trying to impress you is that I get to connect with you. And connecting with people usually leaves me very impressed with the person I am talking to. There are so many lovely people out there, you know?
The outfit: Dress made by moi from a top from Forever 21 (that was too tight but that I widened) and fabric from another dress. I sewed it before breakfast in NY, and enjoyed a funny moment when my wonderful roomie Vahni suddenly noticed me putting it on and asked in her fantastic southern accent: “Did you just whip that up?” I sure did, babe! I cut the jacket from an H&M-dress. Bling is Forever 21. Shoes, Din Sko with my whimsical laces. Bag, H&M. Scarf, Bianco.
My friends. You are lovely. You impress me. I love you.
I would love to connect with you!
anikack@gmail.com @AnikaByAnika Facebook
{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }
fabulous article, love people with such a powerful personality! and i must say that i love love the clash of animal prints! i want that jackzt and the bright looks amazing with your hair color and skin tone
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Thank you so much, my lovely. I count you as one of those people, and I love it. Big hugs coming to Brussels from Oslo xo
Twitter: vivandlarry
September 18, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Great post! I feel quite the same as you and often struggle with high self-esteem in some areas and woefully low self-esteem in other areas. It’s silly to live life based on how you believe others may perceive you, but it’s also a hard thing to get away from. How, exactly, did you manage to get past it?
Kendra recently posted..Mission: Accomplished!
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm
It is silly, but so hard to let go of as you say. I always ask my self “how does this choice/dynamic serve me?” It is hard looking into that mirror at times, but I find that it helps me be really honest and let go of what I don`t need. How did I get past it? Mind control. Every time I feel my self get too self aware I stop, take a moment, and change the thought about my self. Basically it is affirming to my self that I am good enough and brave enough to move forward even when I don`t have affirmation from others. Shit scary, so worth it. And, going to therapy to deal with the abuse I was subjected to as a child really helped, because it was all about getting in touch with my self and grounding my self. Sending hugs from Oslo to London!
I love your creations Anika. That dress looks awesome. and i love your wedges. I’m glad you stopped worrying about impressing everyone else. You gotta put you first
xo
A_riot
http://www.thickthreads.net
anita riot recently posted..Vienna Fashion Week (very picture heavy)
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Thank you so much dear Anita. I really take your kind words to heart. And yes, now I do put my self first, in a good way I hope. Call me out baby, if you think I am getting it wrong!
Mwuah!
Lovely mixture of animal print patterns, my dear Anika.
You are much thinner, are you ok???
Much love, but that you already know
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
SACRAMENTO recently posted..Inspiration in Blue & Link á la Mode Roundup
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Thank you sweetheart. I was really moved by your concern for me. You do know me well. Going through my divorce has taken such a toll on me that I feel exhausted. I have been walking for hours and hours every day for months, trying to deal with my emotions, and at one point I stopped eating because of all of the stress. I have an eating disorder that has been acting up, but I am dealing with it. Also, I am so short of money that I am eating very basic food, so me loosing the weight also is a combo of exercise and healtyish food. I have never been this toned in my life
.
I love you my friend. Hope all is well with you and your family.
You look so beautiful and your words are beautiful too. It is a great leap of acceptance that some others will not love us — but we are still loveable! xoxoxoxo
Patti @ NotDeadYet Style recently posted..In The Mood For Something Beautiful
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Amen to that my friend! You are one wise woman indeed, and I am so glad we have connected. Sending you lots of love! xo
This is really thought provoking because I think this is something that we’re all guilty of at some point or another. The hardest part for me was admitting that I was, in fact, that self absorbed. I still find myself slipping up with this very issue. As much as I say that I don’t try to impress others, I do. Its a constant work in progress for me.
As always, wonderful post!
Aquí recently posted..video tutorial: braiding with layers
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Yes, I agree, this is something that we all probably deal with. Even when I thought I was mother Theresa I was self centered. Funny that. It is not that I don`t care at all what others think of me, but I am selective with who I give that power to, and always checking with my self. It is hard work, but so freeing, don`t you find? Am sending you so much love all the way to Hawaii my sweetheart.
Twitter: OhtoBeaMuse
September 18, 2011 at 10:21 pm
i had this problem of trying to impress people whenever it came to my birthday. i always wanted to throw a party and was constantly wondering if everyone was having fun. this, of course, made my birthday not as fun for myself since i was always trying to impress others. so, i’m done with that and it makes birthdays and life in general much more satisfying.
Oh to Be a Muse recently posted..My Fall Wish List at Zalando
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Oh god, I did that too. So glad that we both have moved on from that! I love celebrating my birthday, I think I always will. When is yours, sweetheart? Hugs!
That snake bolero is dynamite! You truly have a beautiful face, it really needs no makeup at all. Thank you for the inspiring words!
Susan Tiner recently posted..Fashion Show!
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Susan, YOU are dynamite! I feel you so! Big hugs to you from me.
Damn, I JUST submitted a snake-print related post to another blog. I would have loved to include you!
WendyB recently posted..Great Minds Search Alike
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Love you honey. Mwuah!
Twitter: theloudermouth
September 19, 2011 at 6:04 am
Pure genius.
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Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I. LOVE. YOU.
Twitter: CameronMiquelon
September 19, 2011 at 7:10 am
If only I was there to see that reaction on Ms. V’s face lol! It sucks that I missed you, though. But there’s always next season!
I really love how you take clothes and make them your own, too.
And yes, I’m very impressed.
*big hugs*
Cameron recently posted..La fin de la semaine – 18 septembre 2011
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Yes, it was a rather perplexed look
I am so sorry that we didn`t get to meet this time, but we will make it happen for sure. I am so wanting to go back to the states already.
Ca va, cherie? Sending you lots of hugs and kisses. xo
Twitter: CameronMiquelon
October 4, 2011 at 8:36 am
I’m doing well, as well as I can, anyway. Big hugs and kisses to you, too. xoxoxoxo
Cameron recently posted..Louisville Concours 2011 – Concours Eve Gala
Twitter: citizenrosebudz
September 19, 2011 at 7:53 am
Oh yes I am impressed. But you probably knew that. Your posts have been so powerful lately Anika. Hitting ‘em out of the ball park so to speak. Coming from the heart and created to connect. I feel it. I am inspired by your words, your breath of fresh, sincere, fun loving air, and attitude.
I am also impressed with your dress- mixing snake, cobalt w/striped and leopard = brilliance. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Bella Q recently posted..outfit post: Fool Enough
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Yes, yes and yes. I am just naming it and claiming it. I am crazy about you darling. In every way! Yes, I fancy you. I am not to proud to say it. Mwuah! xoxooxoxoxoxo LOVE you.
Twitter: designedbyann
September 19, 2011 at 8:28 am
As I always say, we can’t be agreeable to all people and we do not match with all people!
As for me I’m impressed by your style and ability to re-work dresses and tops so easily!!
Oh and I like this snake skin jacket combined with the leopard scarf!talk about fierce style!!
Anna recently posted..Fashion’s Night Out Athens 2011
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:24 pm
This is very true indeed dear Anna. It is about the match, not about being good enough or not. I love that. Sending big hugs to you in Greece! xo
Hello stranger…
It’s taken me a while but I found you
Good for you! To thyn own self be true.
I’m loving that snake skin jacket, especially with the leopard scarf. No-one re-works clothes quite the way that you do <3
Hope that you're happy & well!
Julia xox
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 19, 2011 at 3:22 pm
JULIA! Mwuah mwhuah!!! So glad to hear from you. Was worried about you, and checking with V about you. Love, Anika
Twitter: Yvonnalivianna
September 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Oh have a missed your post! They always make me want to say “Yesssss *then snaps*” I totally agree trying to impress others is time consuming and not important. This is the whole basis of my blog and of course my development of what I would like to call philosophical fashion. Thank you for sharing love!
XX!
YvonnaLivianna
YvonnaLivianna.blogspot.com
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I love that! Am snapping as I type
I love your blog honey, and I adore you. Philosophical fashion. YES! Go us! Hugs to you. xo
Very insightful of you to see the self-centredness of trying to impress others. I have also given up trying to impress but I am not yet there in letting go of what others think. It’s still devastating to me if someone doesn’t like me and I know it’s something I need to work on. Trying to get validation from any outside source is futile; it has to come from within.
For Those About To Shop recently posted..Fashion Friend Friday: Words of Wisdom
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I do still care what others think of me, I just allow my self to not be governed by it. Dealing with someone not liking me is hard to do, but forcing my self to check my self always brings me peace of mind eventually. I am proud of you for taking on this considerable task! Sending you lots of love xo
Twitter: lady_bella
September 19, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Anika, in my book, you never fail to impress! You’re the lady everyone wants to be like. Your strength, your power, your kindness and your loving nature make you a force to be reckoned with. I’m happy to know you and I like you!
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
What, come on Bella. Ok, I can`t argue with that. haha. I hope you know I feel the same way about you. You have such integrity, depth, and you are so funny. That is very sexy. Sending you lots of love my friend.
for me i am very much empress the fashion here i really wanna know where you guys buy this clothes.i am so glad that i found this post.thanks for sharing..
milaflor recently posted..local dating for men
Twitter: kirstinfoley
September 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I’ve been impressed with you since I started reading. You are one of the most inspirational people I’ve met through blogging, and I only hope one day to meet you in real life. You are amazing!
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:19 pm
My sweetheart friend, when we finally do meet it will be a dream come true. I love you to bits, and yes, you impress me! Hugs xo
For et ufattelig godt poeng.
bangyourhead recently posted..På Hjernen!: Shipwrecked
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Ikke sant! Bare synd at det krever så helsikes mye arbeid.
Klem!
Twitter: sheblog
September 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm
You’re so talented, Anika! I love how you turned the dress into a jacket! Makes me wonder what you could do with the things I don’t really wear anymore!
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Honey, send me a carepackage and I will send it back to you, reworked!
How are you my friend? Sending you lots of kisses xo
I can say pretty much the same about me, on one side I feel extremely secure about myself but on the other side it just takes a comment here or there or something someone does and I am totally down. I always feel like I need to leave an impressive first impression, no matter if it is positive or negative, but in some ways I always want to impress people I get to know…
But thinking about it makes me feel you are right, it makes me focus to much on what I say and not the person I am talking too.
And just in case you didn’t know, you are pretty impressive! I remember walking down this street in London and felt kind of blown away by you, you are so talented and lovely and such a nice and heart warming person. Not to say how beautiful you are and how much you glow from the inside!
Katrin recently posted..OOTD Zurück nach Westerland.
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Darling friend, thank you so much. I really take your feedback to heart. You are enough, Katrin, you are the best you. No one else can offer exactely what you do. I love you! And, I will get to that guest post. I promise. Big hugs coming your way xo
Twitter: WellAppCatwalk
September 21, 2011 at 10:38 pm
I love the stance you’re taking, but I’m really not sure how anyone wouldn’t be impressed with you. I love you and miss you and your jacket is fabulous! xo
Marissa recently posted..Mary Katrantzou S/S 2012
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Honey, I miss you too. I really loved meeting you, and wish we could have spent more time together. Next time! I am very impressed with you too, you are so sweet and genuine. And a powerhouse. Yes you are. Love you!
Hi Anika! Reading your post and watching your pictures its great, It’s really impressive how you turn your dress into a stylish fashion.
Leila recently posted..Difficulty Getting Pregnant
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Thank you sweet Leila. Sending you hugs! xo
Stunning shot . The colors and lighting are amazing.
Addie recently posted..Chinaillon Accommodation
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Thank you!
Brilliant as always. I need to learn to be less bothered by what others think xx
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I find that defiant swearing helps.
It is an art I am determined to perfect. Big hugs to you from me, love.
Twitter: Stylish Thought Media
September 23, 2011 at 10:32 pm
You have beyond impressed me, you have indelibly changed me! Love you lots, oh and emailed you!
Fajr | Stylish Thought recently posted..Required Reading: 9.23.11
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I have changed you? Damn, I need to control my powers of seduction. Actually no, I`ll just let it rip.
Meeting you left such an impact on me. I feel you. That is the best way to say it. A piece of my heart is with you. Can not wait to see you again. I LOVE you.
Aww I too grew up with high self esteem. My parents showed me mad love always. But I think any self doubt has always came from within, like being critical of myself cause i dont want to let myself down. I just try my best and always just try. My mom said you never fail if you try. Great skills transforming that F-21 top!
Sophia
http://lasophialasophia.blogspot.com
Sophia recently posted..Vieja Nopalera
I understand where you’re coming from, I’m always trying to battle with that part of me that gets dragged down by what other people think. It is difficult for any woman in today’s world to have good self esteem, which is why I’m glad there are lovely people like you who remind me that I should love myself and not worry so much about what others think, and just be myself, and be interested in other people and the world around me. In short, to live and not dwell on sad/depressing things. Self esteem is something that I work on everyday now, because I remind myself that there is more to life than impressing others and it is all about making yourself feel good, and knowing that happiness comes from accepting yourself.
Liz recently posted..The End of Summer
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I agree with you my friend, it is most definately a work in progress. I am letting go of fears over and over again, and defining my self over and over again. It is hard work, but so worth it, because it brings such a sense of freedom and self respect, don`t you find? Sending you lots of love. xo
That may be the only thing that is good about getting older; you stop giving a crap what others think!
Love the snake print bolero and you look mahvelous!
Paula recently posted..Profound Thought ~ Photography
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Love it! I am hitting that point at 32, goodness knows I will be intolerable at 80. Hahah! But hopefully with shitloads of stories to tell. Is it really the only good thing, though? Big mwuah to you daaaahhhling xo
I absolutely love this post!! You have no idea how it resonated with me. This is my first time visiting your site and you can bet it will not be my last. thank You.
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Thank you for connecting with me sweetheart! I look forward to getting to know you. Hugs xo
She is pretty in her own way and the fashion is awesome…
Casy William recently posted..Child wetsuits|Kids wetsuit
That was one great discovery. By not focusing too much on impressing others you get to value and appreciate others more. You are right about that there a lot of amazing people out there. I am very impressed with your outfit and I like your style. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Laura recently posted..online dating book
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm
And thank you for sharing yours! It is all part of maturing I suppose, and really resting within our selves. Big hugs to you from me. xo
Twitter: bestofpalmbch
September 27, 2011 at 1:56 am
You don’t need to try to impress me….you do impress me organically. You are amazing my dear without even trying. I was having a conversation with someone today about creating a false sense of self and how that leaves us well lost. We try to control how people perceive us especially through social media. It is a fine line between between socially acceptable and being authentic. In the end I prefer being authentic.
xx
Best Of Palm Beach recently posted..Vintage Find: Halston Dress
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Such wise words indeed, and as you know I am with you. Autentic. YES. I love you honey!
Twitter: flyingfabu
September 27, 2011 at 4:18 am
<3! <3! <3! I recently decided that I had to let go of being concerned with whether people liked me if it was compromising my sense of self, sense of peace and how I was conducting myself. If I had to choose, I'd rather be respected than liked, though both is obviously ideal!
xoxo, f
Fabienne Jach recently posted..Taking lessons
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 11:59 am
Oh sweetheart. I love you. Just had to get that out first.
When we finally meet I will feel so happy. You are amazing, such a blessing to have you in my life, even if it is only in the bloggersphere. Sending you lots of hugs. xo
Twitter: made2travel
September 27, 2011 at 5:26 am
I LOVE YOU. I mean I know you know but you should really know. I miss you so much! STILL! I PROMISE! Everything you said is right on the money, once you get out of your own way there is so many beautiful people to meet and know. I’m so so happy to know you! Please find a way that we can chat more regularly. I’m virtually hugging you all the time.
Jamillah recently posted..I <3 the Internet
Twitter: made2travel
September 27, 2011 at 5:27 am
Oh also friend! I love your snake skin guy! I can’t wait to see where the rest of the bits went
Jamillah recently posted..I <3 the Internet
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
Haha you are so funny, and you know me well. I am wearing the rest of it now with that brown scarf I picked up on our wee shopping spree. Jamillah, you are in my heart everywhere I go, am sharing so many moments with you mentally. I love you to bits. xo
Twitter: beautifullyinv
September 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Honey, you need to write a book. The advice and reflections you offer on your site are better than any self-help book out there. LOVE YOU!
Beautifully Invisible recently posted..A Girl’s Best Friend: Anjolee Diamond Hoop Earrings
Twitter: beautifullyinv
September 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm
P.S. You look amazing, as always!
Beautifully Invisible recently posted..A Girl’s Best Friend: Anjolee Diamond Hoop Earrings
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 11:57 am
I will! I`ll even sign your copy
. Ljubavi, volim te. Zivot je kicking my ass lately, but will resurface soon. In regard to your mail, it would be an absolute honor if you still want me to. Am thinking about you so much. Miss you! xo
I can’t even begin to share with you how great your posts make me feel. Thank you for always reminding us how to be amazing from the inside-out. xo
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Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
I really appreciate your feedback, sweetheart, truly. Thank you so much! Big love coming your way. xo
I’m impressed (and have been from the jump), but more than anything I’m inspired by you, as always. You and your fabulous self-worth activism, and you and your fabulous creativity. This dress, I mean really? That snakeskin jacket? When will your designs be available for all of us to buy, love? I mean, no pressure. But we’re waiting.
By the way, every now and then on a random afternoon I’ll have a flashback to that moment when I stepped out of the elevator and looked around cluelessly before I spotted you and Jamillah outside the hotel, and the way we all squeed our little hearts out and flung our arms open all at the same time. And then I come back and I have a big old giggly smile on my face.
Casee Marie recently posted..Fashion Yoga with Vivienne Tam and Rodney Yee
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
September 29, 2011 at 11:55 am
I am sporting that very grin now! I collected each moment with you, and often think about them. Your smile, Casee, you have the most amazing smile. You know how I feel about you, the respect is so mutual!
Would you really buy my designs? I haven`t given up on that dream, just need to get my life sorted first. Am completely knackered, but will bounce back. How are things going with your situation? Am thinking of you all often. Love, Anika
Thank you for always reminding us how to be amazing from the inside-out.The advice and reflections you offer on your site are better than any self-help book out there. Always being look amazing..
Celestine recently posted..drinkware types
Great post, I have to constantly remind myself it doesn’t matter what others think. I can love what I’m wearing or just how I look but one nasty comment or sometimes just a look can put a downer on my whole mood. I’m getting better with it though I didn’t even used to express myself properly from fear of others….quite sad really xxx
Twitter: AnikaByAnika
October 6, 2011 at 5:30 pm
It is sad, but so familiar. I am so glad you are moving on from that. I now find that I most days I feel dynamite, only to suddenly notice that I haven`t received a compliment all day. I love that, and I didn`T know I could get to a place where I am this kind to my self. Be kind to your self sweetheart, you are lovely. Sending you big hugs dear Lorna.
Hei Anika, kloke ord, dette her! Jeg er blitt flinkere etterhvert til å ikke tenke over hva andre mener, men jeg må fortsatt minne meg selv på det fra tid til annen. Som du sier, så er det egentlig en øvelse i selvopptatthet! Håper det går bra med deg ellers! Klem!
Nanne recently posted..Holiday Snaps
I can completely relate to this, I feel this way all the time, even today. If someone does not like me I feel like a failure and I feel so desperate to make other people like me or think I’m funny/smart/pretty/what have you and you are right, it is very self adsorbed. I don’t see how anyone in their right mind could not like you, btw but you know to each their own I guess.
I really love your outfit, you know how to pair so many different patterns and have it never clash.
Honeysuckelle recently posted..Private Gondola Time
I agree with you! it’s a very taxing way to impress others on what we want them to think about us. At the end of the day, it left you feeling exhausted. I’d rather be me and not taking cues if they like me or not as long as I am comfortable of being my true self. Your post is great, keep going girl! You are unique!
quildem recently posted..date with singles
I really admired your passion for fashion! Keep up the good work Anika.. I really admire your creativity!
Emma recently posted..Grand Bornand
The best part is that when you’re not trying to impress other people, you gain confidence and can just be yourself! So even if you’re not impressing anybody, I think people notice you more.
Teo recently posted..Dans le meilleur des mondes
Nice pose! like a super model shot. =)
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Twitter: CathyrinGuevarra
November 19, 2011 at 8:23 am
“In short, if others were not impressed and wowed by me I felt I was a failure.”
Too many people feel this statement, eh. Low self esteem in terms of what will people perceive unto us is common to many since we commonly find our self worth on what others may perceive us. However, I believe that finding our true self must begin from the inside out. From our self first before from our outside surroundings.btw, love your outfit!
Thanks for sharing,
Cathy@Logo Digitizing an Option for Personalized Designing and Advertising Campaigns