You know what I have stopped doing? I have stopped trying to impress others.
I used to worry about how others perceive me. I used to give them cues on how to perceive me. I still do, in the sense that we all send signals to our surroundings about who we are, but the dynamic that I choose when interacting with others is different now.
I grew up with a very high self esteem in some aspects of who I am and a very low self esteem in others. To say that I nurtured an unbalanced view of my self is an understatement. It was confusing, and left me feeling dissapointed in my self and insecure in many ways because I was measuring my self using expectations that were either to high or too low.
How I was perceived by others became the mirror I used to determine who I was and how good of a person I am.
In short, if others were not impressed and wowed by me I felt I was a failure.
The thing about trying to impress others is, it is an exercise in self absorbedness. Think about it. If I am trying to impress you when talking to you my focus is on me, not on you. Limiting? Oh yes.
I am not saying that I was completely self absorbed before, but I was more so than I care for. It is not a pretty reflection, but it is true.
Today I am enjoying the fruits of my hard work on my sense of worth. If I am rejected it just means that we are not a good match. If you don`t find me funny then I don`t know what is wrong with you that doesn`t mean that I am not.
If you like me, great. If you don`t, fair enough.
The thing about not trying to impress you is that I get to connect with you. And connecting with people usually leaves me very impressed with the person I am talking to. There are so many lovely people out there, you know?
The outfit: Dress made by moi from a top from Forever 21 (that was too tight but that I widened) and fabric from another dress. I sewed it before breakfast in NY, and enjoyed a funny moment when my wonderful roomie Vahni suddenly noticed me putting it on and asked in her fantastic southern accent: “Did you just whip that up?” I sure did, babe! I cut the jacket from an H&M-dress. Bling is Forever 21. Shoes, Din Sko with my whimsical laces. Bag, H&M. Scarf, Bianco.
My friends. You are lovely. You impress me. I love you.
I would love to connect with you!