At the heart of identifying as a self worth activist is the quest for freedom. The act of freeing our selves and defining our selves holds such power – it increases our dignity. It is all about living with a high degree of dignity, as defined by each and every one of us.
I can not advocate self worth without walking the walk the walk my self, and so, I keep seeking out fear in my life, facing it head on and letting go of it.
Neary a year ago I faced a really big fear of mine. Would I still be beautiful without my flowing locks?
One of the areas I haven`t dare to touch is my hair. I grew up receiving lots of compliments for my hair. Some of them were genuinely nice ones, others were harder to accept, like the times I was told that
“Well, at least you have good hair, or a handsome face, or good personality”. Such comments left me with the impression that faced with a fat girl like me it was a relief for the other person to console us both that I may be fat, but at least I had beautiful locks. What ever the intention of the compliments, for most of my life I was so low on self worth that I deduced that the only thing about me that was worthy and lovely was my hair.
The first time I dyed my hair and it came out all black I had an anxeity attack. I knew then that I still had some work to do on redefining my self worth and idea about my own beauty. A few days ago when I was trimming my split ends with a pair of kitchen scissors (very bad of me I know) I got to thinking about this, and as I started cutting my hair I realized that it was only hair and that I would still be me, I would still be ok if I cut it short, nevermind that I am fat, nevermind that it might not come out ok, nevermind all that.
So I set off chopping, my self worth intact, simply playing around with my look. It might seem like a small thing, but for me it was a massive event. I am free of yet another preconceived notion about my self. Now I can look forward to my hair growing back and to enjoying my locks even more.
My curls are still impossible to control,the Norwegian weather keeps having it`s way with my attempts to straighten my hair, and I love it. I`ll be honest, I am very glad to be on this side of my self imposed lesson.
I have learned that while I am able to feel good with out long hair, I prefer my locks glamorous. I do feel free tovary my hairstyles now, and often wear all my hair away from my face, not worrying about double chins and my grey hairs showing.
I learned that I am good enough, hair or no hair. That said, I won`t be cutting my hair again any time soon.
Now, if I could just figure out what to do with my god damned bangs!
Tell me my friends, can you relate?
Ps. If you are wondering if I am wearing an Urban Outfitters bag on my jacket in the first pic I can confirm that I indeed am. I decided my jacket by Kapp Ahl needed some oomph, so I split a bag in two and adorned the pockets with it, leaving me with one black pocket and one white one.
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