On letting go of my locks – a year later

by byanika on 06/11/2011 · 23 comments

in By Anika,self worth

  

Hi Sweethearts!

At the heart of identifying as a self worth activist is the quest for freedom. The act of freeing our selves and defining our selves holds such power – it increases our dignity. It is all about living with a high degree of dignity, as defined by each and every one of us.

I can not advocate self worth without walking the walk the walk my self, and so, I keep seeking out fear in my life, facing it head on and letting go of it.

Neary a year ago I faced a really big fear of mine. Would I still be beautiful without my flowing locks?

 

One of the areas I haven`t dare to touch is my hair. I grew up receiving lots of compliments for my hair. Some of them were genuinely nice ones, others were harder to accept, like the times I was told that
Well, at least you have good hair, or a handsome face, or good personality”.  Such comments left me with the impression that faced with a fat girl like me it was a relief for the other person to console us both that I may be fat, but at least I had beautiful locks. What ever the intention of the compliments, for most of my life I was so low on self worth that I deduced that the only thing about me that was worthy and lovely was my hair.

The first time I dyed my hair and it came out all black I had an anxeity attack. I knew then that I still had some work to do on redefining my self worth and idea about my own beauty. A few days ago when I was trimming my split ends with a pair of kitchen scissors (very bad of me I know) I got to thinking about this, and as I started cutting my hair I realized that it was only hair and that I would still be me, I would still be ok if I cut it short, nevermind that I am fat, nevermind that it might not come out ok, nevermind all that.

So I set off chopping, my self worth intact, simply playing around with my look. It might seem like a small thing, but for me it was a massive event. I am free of yet another preconceived notion about my self. Now I can look forward to my hair growing back and to enjoying my locks even more.

 

Nearly a year later my hair is all grown out.

My curls are still impossible to control,the Norwegian weather keeps having it`s way with my attempts to straighten my hair, and I love it. I`ll be honest, I am very glad to be on this side of my self imposed lesson.

I have learned that while I am able to feel good with out long hair, I prefer my locks glamorous. I do feel free tovary my hairstyles now, and often wear all my hair away from my face, not worrying about double chins and my grey hairs showing.

I learned that I am good enough, hair or no hair. That said, I won`t be cutting my hair again any time soon.

Now, if I could just figure out what to do with my god damned bangs!

Tell me my friends, can you relate?

 

Ps. If you are wondering if I am wearing an Urban Outfitters bag on my jacket in the first pic I can confirm that I indeed am. I decided my jacket by Kapp Ahl needed some oomph, so I split a bag in two and adorned the pockets with it, leaving me with one black pocket and one white one.

 

 I would love to connect with you!

For the full impact of your wonderful comments go to #byanikareaders where I quote and share your best ones!

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

1 SACRAMENTONo Gravatar November 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Good for you. It is not too short in the photo.
Well it is never too short for me, hehehehehhehe.
You are always fabulous, my dear Anika.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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byanika 2 byanikaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I know corazon! :D And if you don`t mind me saying, you look very sexy with your short do. I love you! Emailing you shortly. Besooooooos xoxoox

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3 LuAnneNo Gravatar November 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm

I know what you mean! I used to be one of those girls who thought the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips haha. So i would never tie up my hair and always have the same hair do just because I thought a bun or short hair would make me look fatter. So silly when I think about it now. You do have beautiful hair btw, it matches well with the rest of your beautiful self <3

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byanika 4 byanikaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Thanks sweetheart, and a big ditto to you! I know you know. And, I love it when you rock your different looks, you are stunning you see, you just can`t help it, so might as well accept it lol. Love you girl!

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5 fuyumeNo Gravatar November 6, 2011 at 12:43 pm

im happiest with my new short hair and it doesnt take long to style :) love your hair either way!
fuyume recently posted..People Tree & Orla Kiely S/S 2012My ComLuv Profile

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byanika 6 byanikaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

That is what it is all about sweetheart! I find short hair on women very sexy.

My hair doesn`t take long to style either, there is no point in trying hehe. Happy Sunday!

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7 FrancaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Your hair is gorgeous, then and now. My hair is very long just now, I was growing it to be able to put it up for my wedding, but I’m getting it chopped to chin length soon. My hair is fine, so when it gets really long it does get damaged, so I like to just cut all the dmage off and start again ever now and then.

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8 RocquelleNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I can totally relate to this!! Almost 7 years ago, I cut off my hair to grow deadlocks, and I had never had hair so short in my life. However, the process of growing out my deadlocks has been life altering. It was when I was forced to step outside with virtually no hair that I really began to come into my individuality, confidence, and fierceness!

You are beautiful my friend, with or without hair, curly or straight…love this!!

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9 KimberleeNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I can definitely relate. Women have a strong bond with their hair, it is like a security blanket. I thought they were all ridiculous until I cut off 10 inches to donate to Locks of Love. I was like “it will grow back!” But man was I was depressed with short hair. I have a round face and just found it to be unflattering. I tried to remain positive through it all but I hated how I look, so vain. I’m thankful I did it but I doubt I’ll ever go that short again. It did grow back but it took 2 years!

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10 CameronNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I’ve been growing my hair out almost non-stop for three years come December, starting from a completely bald head. It is just now touching the tops of my shoulders.

It’s also the first time I’ve ever had hair that long.

Not too long ago, I thought about cutting it all off again, thinking the length was doing no favours for me. Thank goodness my ex-roommate told me otherwise; can’t wait — though I must — until my hair finally reaches the middle of my back!

I also have a few grey strands, but I’m okay with them; Mom had silver bangs since her late teens, but has dyed her hair for the entire time I’ve been here.

That’s all I’ve got. Big hugs to you, madame ! xoxoxoxoxo

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11 THE-LOUDMOUTHNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm

It’s always fun to look back on past hairstyles! And yes, you look lovely no matter what!

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12 Claire_GGINo Gravatar November 6, 2011 at 10:46 pm

great blog!

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13 MarissaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 7, 2011 at 2:33 am

Maybe now you’ll go all out with a pixie cut? And, no, I wouldn’t do it either, but it’s fun to think about.

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14 JamillahNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 7, 2011 at 4:41 am

You know the most wonderful thing about you is that you are so self-aware and you continue to challenge yourself to make yourself better. I’m writing you back shortly. LOVE YOU, LOOOOOVE YOU.

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15 MJNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Oh Anika I can sooo relate!! For the past 13 months I’ve been growing out my relaxer and now I have short curly hair and it took awhile to get used to! In the beginning I thought it was just hair but as I continued on the journey I realized how much of my self worth was tied in my hair. Now I make a concious effort to feel sexy and confident in it and each day it’s gets a little easier to do. To me it symbolizes another chapter in my life where I’m doing all those things I was afraid to do.

Love this and I’m glad to know I’m not alone in it! :)

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16 Laura ConnellNo Gravatar November 7, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Hair is a big issue for women! My flat iron recently died and I have decided to accept my natural locks (and give my hair a break from the damage of the iron). I get more compliments than ever about my natural waves which surprised me. It does take courage to wear your hair natural or to cut it short if you’re used to it long. I like my long hair and cut it into a bob once for a change. After about a month I wanted my hair back and had to wait a year for it to grow back in. If I knew about extensions and weaves then I might have gone for it!

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17 WendyBNo Gravatar November 7, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I had hair in a pixie cut for years…now it’s as long as it’s been since 1st grade. I have no interest in what nature intends for my hair though. I straighten it…screw the waves! :-D

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18 Susan TinerNo Gravatar November 9, 2011 at 12:02 am

I recently cut my hair really short and I love it. Your hair is beautiful no matter what style you wear, long or short.

Have a beautiful week!

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19 anitaNo Gravatar November 9, 2011 at 12:22 am

you have such pretty hair! i think i tell you that all the time! you probablg get sick of me saying it :) i love the curls and the color. youre all beauty! Hair is hair, it changes, and changes are good :)

xo
A_Riot

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20 NinaNo Gravatar November 9, 2011 at 4:22 am

I love curls! :)

fashionableroad.blogspot.com

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21 OfeliaNo Gravatar November 10, 2011 at 4:54 am

I did just cut 4 inches (I cut it myself) of my hair and I was freaking out at the beginning of this week because I was so use to my long pony tail. Afterward I felt silly because its just hair and yes its part of me but is just one part of me.

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22 BellaNo Gravatar
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 10:27 pm

Anika darling, to me, you’re beautiful with short hair, long hair or no hair. Hair is just one of the parts that make up our whole. It does not determine our value, our worth, or who we are. I admit I love long, curly hair because I think it’s wild, beautiful and sexy, but short can be endearing, cute and sassy. I’m glad you were able to experiment with this process, and in the meantime, provide us with such wonderful feedback! Love you, lady! :)

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23 testsieger versicherungNo Gravatar
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October 22, 2012 at 8:46 am

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